United under Food

Barring few quickly disappearing examples, like Emirates etc, airlines food is nothing to be cherished about. Knowing that well, I did not start with a high expectation when I board my United flight from Chicago to Frankfurt. It was a cold sunny day little above freezing and we started after a little delay. As usual, the sitting arrangement was rather crampy. In my favor, however, I got a skinny dude next to me. Before I could chill down a lil and choose between sleeping and watching a movie in the touch screen, airlines paused passenger screens to show an advertisement: fair enough, it happens. The clip was rather interesting, let me describe; some suited booted CEO of United showed up with a revelation that they got the best chefs around the world to make our flight a unique culinary experience. Interwoven cut scenes followed with chefs boasting while performing various important activities in kitchen like putting things in and out of oven, cutting veggies, playing with woks and sushis etc. I guess there were only two and half of of them: one Indian guy and one white dude and a glimpse of a Japanese man; all of them dressed in bright white uniform looked like doctors. They concluded the clip with a grand vision of an airplane taking off. Cool ! my hopes rose high.

When I came to USA for the first time; one acute cultural shock I had was to come across the “CEO styled advertisement; where well dressed high officials of a company come up to promote the very product they are selling. Generally it starts and ends with an assurance of how ardently the company is committed to our service. To me, it struck as the least credible way to convince people, but apparently it worked: Americans do love their aging power horses in fine uniforms.

Now, don't get me wrong:

I ain't no lefty, but take a heed 'bout safety,

You know, on a CEO , you can not depend, Do so bro and you got to repent.

A brute with a suit is ready for the loot. Better hide your fruit,

and don't get smitten.

Two long years apparently ebbed my initial skepticisms, I soon found myself sleeping with a pleasant assurance of imminent ambrosia. My fellow passenger, the skinny dude, woke me up when finally the food arrived: a basket of dried lettuce and a kid's portion of cold overcooked ground beef pasta. The main course was nicely complemented with a piece of gluey inedible browny and a steal bread. World class chefs; my a** ! The CEO and his beloved chef should choke on a sock while we stand by to joke and mock -- only fitting punishment my raging primate brain could think of. I managed to finish the half of the pasta after much toil. I was hungry, I could not sleep. I browsed through the list of movies. On the bright side I found an entertaining Hong-Kong movie: Diva. Now I am jet-lagged.